


Crossing the Threshold

by lotsofquestionslimitedanswers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 rewrite of sorts, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, dean gets stabbed with the rebar but cas saves him, final, jack has already saved cas from the empty, mentions of cas having been in the empty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29934672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers/pseuds/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers
Summary: Excerpt:Dean looks at Cas who’s just standing there with his head down, staring at his shoes like they’re the most interesting things in the world. Cas’s trench-coat is dirty, his skin is covered in blood and sweat and dirt. And all Dean wants to do is hold him in his arms.But that’s against their rules.Dean can only touch Cas when he’s injured or when Cas is injured or when they’re about to die and they can sum up the touching to we-were-about-to-die-so-we-get-a-pass-for-that. Otherwise, Dean is supposed to keep his hands to himself.But he doesn’t want to. Not anymore. Not after all they’ve been through. Not after what Cas told him right before the Empty took him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	Crossing the Threshold

The hunt goes bad pretty quick. Dean and Cas get separated from Sam and Eileen. Dean and Cas run and end up surrounded by vampires in a barn and one of them shoves Dean into a piece of rebar sticking out of the wall. Dean feels it stab him in the back and he knows he can’t move or he’ll make it worse. All he can think is that this is by far the shittiest possible ending for him. Dying standing up, bleeding from a back-wound from a random hazard in a barn in the middle of nowhere USA. So much for peace. Hell, he didn’t even get guns-blazing. Not really. He’s just standing here, waiting for the inevitable end.

Dean’s vision is starting to fade when he hears Cas yell, “Dean! Close your eyes!”

Dean closes his eyes, and he feels heat and hears screaming and smells something _horrible_ burning. His ears ring and he can feel himself slip into the darkness.

“Dean?” Cas asks. He sounds panicked. “It’s over. Open your eyes.”

Dean struggles to open his eyes, but when he opens them, he sees Cas at his side. He’s staring at Dean with wide eyes. There’s a hand on his shoulder right where Cas’s handprint used to be…where Cas gripped him tight and raised him from perdition all those years ago.

Dean feels lightheaded and dimly thinks about how nice it is that he gets this second chance at life. Cas will save him. How many times does this make it? How many times has Cas saved him? How many times has Dean denied the one thing that _he_ wants that it turns out he _could_ get if he just stopped being a coward for two minutes? All he has to do is say it.

“You’re gonna be okay.” Cas goes to put his two fingers to Dean’s forehead.

Dean somehow manages to grab Cas’s hand. “No. Not yet.”

“Dean, you’ve been stabbed. Let me heal you.”

“No. Because once you heal me, you have to stop touching me and I don’t…I don’t _want_ you to stop touching me.”

“Dean, you…you don’t mean that.” Cas’s voice is ragged. He takes his hand out of Dean’s and says, “This is going to hurt.” He yanks Dean from the wall and touches Dean’s forehead.

A cool wave of…something…something gentle and soft but chilled rushes through Dean. Dean’s back is no longer bleeding, the hole is closed, the bruises and gashes he has accumulated from the fight are also gone. Dean’s heart feels like there’s barbed wire around it.

Dean looks at Cas who’s just standing there with his head down, staring at his shoes like they’re the most interesting things in the world. Cas’s trench-coat is dirty, his skin is covered in blood and sweat and dirt. And all Dean wants to do is hold him in his arms.

But that’s against their rules.

Dean can only touch Cas when he’s injured or when Cas is injured or when they’re about to die and they can sum up the touching to we-were-about-to-die-so-we-get-a-pass-for-that. Otherwise, Dean is supposed to keep his hands to himself.

But he doesn’t want to. Not anymore. Not after all they’ve been through. Not after what Cas told him right before the Empty took him.

Dean just…he wants things to be different now. He wants to live differently and have different relationships with the people around him. He wants to be a better father to Jack, he wants to be a less controlling brother for Sammy, he wants to be a good eventual brother-in-law to Eileen, he wants to be a good influence on Claire and the other girls Jody and Donna take care of. Dean wants to change. He wants to settle down…preferably with Cas. He wants to…Dean doesn’t even know really. Not specifically at least.

But he knows that he wants to retire. He wants to use his hands to make things. He doesn’t want to kill anymore. He’s done.

But all this? All his wishes and hopes? They’re unsaid. They’re _always_ unsaid. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s this space that they’re stuck in. Dean’s trapped in this pool of rules and regulations and intricate rituals and he is _drowning_ in them because the only way to get out of the pool…the only way to get what he wants…is to put an end to it all. He will have to be honest with Cas. And the thought of doing that is scarier than anything Dean has faced so far.

No.

That’s not true.

It’s not as terrifying as the thought of losing Cas forever. It’s not as horrible as sitting in that room alone after Cas had been taken by the Empty. Nothing will ever be as bad as that.

And now Dean is sitting in front of Cas—who looks so tired despite being an angelic being who isn’t supposed to need sleep—and Cas is close enough to touch and that’s all Dean wants to do: touch him, hold him, hell, Dean just wants to hug the guy at this point. Or…maybe touch pinkies, touch hands, hold hands. Maybe kiss…if Dean’s really lucky.

But instead of saying any of that, Dean just sits on the ground and asks, “Sit with me?”

Cas looks at him. He squints his eyes, scrunches his nose a little, and tilts his head to the side as he stares at Dean. All the while Dean holds his breath and tries not to make a move or a sound that might scare Cas off.

Then Cas sits beside Dean.

Dean knows what he needs to ask next, and the thought makes his heart pound in his chest.

“Did you mean it?” Dean asks.

“Mean what?” Cas asks.

“What you said before you were taken by the Empty.”

Cas stands. “Dean, we don’t have time for this. Sam and Eileen are surely looking for us by now.” Cas makes to walk away, but Dean reaches out and grabs Cas’s wrist.

“But Cas,” Dean starts.

“Dean!” Cas whirls around and glares at Dean.

He doesn’t move his wrist out of Dean’s grasp.

Dean can only stare as Cas looks at him with tear-filled eyes. “Cas, I,” Dean starts.

“Drop it.” Cas snaps, yanking his wrist out of Dean’s grasp, and wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“No!” Dean jumps up and stands in front of Cas. “I can’t just drop this. It’s too important.”

“Why? Why is it so important? You told me to _not_ tell you that I loved you. You said, and I quote “don’t do this Cas” why would you say that if you wanted to talk about this particular subject?”

“Because I didn’t want you to die!” Dean yells.

“Yes.” Cas says in a cold voice. “Because you were about to fight Chuck and you needed me to help with the fight.”

Dean feels like he has been hit. “What?” Dean whispers.

“Don’t think I don’t know that you just see me as a weapon who talks to you.” Cas’s voice breaks.

“Cas, no.” Dean fights a lump building in his throat. “Cas, that’s not,” Dean blinks back tears. “Not even close.” Dean tries to figure out how to word this. How does he explain to Cas that he loves him and has been in love with him for years? “I’m so sorry.” Dean finally says.

“Sorry for what, Dean?” Cas won’t even look at him now.

“You’re not just a weapon. You’re my best friend and I,” Dean tries to say it, but he just can’t get the words out. Why is this so hard to say? This _shouldn’t_ be so hard to say.

“Cas, I,” Dean freezes again.

 _Why?_ Why can’t he just say it? Cas said it. Why can’t Dean?

“I need you.” Dean says. “You’re family, Cas. _I_ need you. Not because of your powers and your wings and what you can do for us. I need you for…for movie nights. I need you to make the long nights when I can’t sleep less lonely. I need you for that…for your steadiness and your humor and your strength. I,” Dean feels stuck. He desperately wants to cross this threshold, but he just can’t say it.

“Cas,” Dean whispers before taking Cas’s face in his hands and kissing him.

Cas kisses him back but then he pulls away. “What was that for?” Cas whispers.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean whispers.

“Dean,” Cas’s eyes widen. Then he kisses Dean. “I love you, Dean.”

“I know.” Dean grins.

Cas blinks. “ _Star Wars_?”

Dean laughs and kisses Cas again. “I love you.” Dean kisses Cas again. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Then Dean feels his heart drop as the full meaning of Cas’s words a few moments ago soak in. He can’t believe he did that to Cas. Of all people. He made Cas believe he was just a weapon. Never again.

“And I am so sorry that I made you believe I don’t love you. I’m so sorry.” Dean says in a breaking voice. “That changes now. You’re going to wake up every day knowing that I love you.”

Cas hugs Dean. Tightly.

Dean hugs him back, burying his face in his shoulder.

“I love you.” Dean says one more time.

…

The next morning.

Dean wakes up in the arms of his angel. He opens his eyes and finds Cas watching him. Dean chuckles and remembers all the times Cas offered to watch over him in his sleep…guess that’s what they’re doing from now on.

“What?” Cas smiles. There’s hair covering part of his eye.

“I love you. So much, Cas.” Dean replies, gently brushing the hair out of Cas’s face.

Cas’s smile widens and he says, “I love you too, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!:D
> 
> I'm @lotsofquestionslimitedanswers on tumblr and I post my works there too!


End file.
